I could hear the sirens all around me. All I could see was the red and blue lights. They were everywhere. Tears were falling down my face. I was eleven and my brother was going to get arrested. I could see him in handcuffs at gun point. “Jen, Jen come on we got to go” it was my brother that woke me from my daze. “How the hell could you do this? You ruined our lives! Your so stupid.” “I couldn’t help it. You know how I am with stuff like that.” “I know but really? Could you have just talked to the cop instead of hitting him?” “I’m sorry Jen. Oh come on don’t be like that. I was walking through my house now. My mom was in the kitchen packing every thing. We had to get out as soon as possible. My brother had a warrant and we were leaving Arizona. The worst part of this: we were going to Utah.
Jen
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3 comments:
Your end reminded me of the movie Bad News Bears. One of the teammates runs from home and says he's going to Utah. The coach finds him and asks "Why would you want to do that?" Overall I liked your writing and how you added to the story by starting out with an attention graber.
hey that sucks for you and your bro. that was really informational.
I really like how you used a lot of dialogue. It makes the reader feel like they are there with you in the midst of everything. You also did a really good job of slowly giving away details. I think this is a great way to get the reader's attention because it leaves them wanting to know more. The way you described the blue and red lights and the sirens was awesome, and if you described how that felt in even more detail it would make the image for the reader really vivid. This is a really great start to what I'm sure is going to be a really interesting essay.
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